Alumna

Since graduating university in 2008, visiting my Alma Mater has caused a certain degree of sadness, a nostalgia mixed with hints of rejection and failure.

Nostalgia

Stanford was really, really fun, and I haven't had that much fun since (most likely because I am no longer surrounded by a group of peers who just want to have fun, and I now have to pay for things).  I also miss the friends I had while in college.

Rejection

By graduating, I was no longer allowed to attend the school.  I was practically kicked out!  And by moving to New York, I do not have a group of college friends who live nearby or that I see on a regular basis.

Failure

As a younger sister, I compare myself to my older sister who went to Duke and then Stanford for a PhD.  I went to Stanford and then NYU for a Masters, which, comparatively speaking, is pretty weak.

Aside from the first time I visited Stanford post-graduation, when I still had plenty of friends in school, stepping foot on campus has upset me.  However, last Saturday I was invited to my very first tailgate and was very excited to go (just to the tailgate, I did not opt to stay for the game).  I wasn't even that worried that I wouldn't know too many people involved, or that I would feel strange being on campus.  This was the first time that I truly had no negative feelings, except physical ones: I was very hung over from our Super Bowl party the night before.

Walking around campus in a sea of red, white, and gold (red and white for Stanford, red and gold for USC), I felt very welcome and had the urge to finally join the Alumni Association.  No longer did I feel rejected, but felt included! and like I was supposed to be there.  As an alumna, I can attend community or alumni events and feel part of a larger society, the alumni, not an outcast from the student body.  Undergraduate status lasts but 4 years, give or take, while being an alumni last forever.